


/-/Binder/-/

by HamilWriter_02



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ((like one or two scenes)), Accidental Pregnancy, Debating, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Hamilton - Freeform, Lams - Freeform, Lee is transphobic, M/M, Marliza, Pregnancy, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender!Alex, m/m - Freeform, maria is an assistant, some smut, trans!Eliza, trans!alex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23573020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamilWriter_02/pseuds/HamilWriter_02
Summary: Alexander Hamilton is a transgender, female to male. He is married to John Laurens and works in a law firm as a lawyer.He befriends Eliza Schuyler, a transgender woman who ends up dating his assistant.He puts up with shitty coworkers at work.He puts up with his bruising chest and tight binder.He puts up with uneven breathing, and bruised ribs to pass as a male.He puts up with so much to be accepted.And even through all that, not everyone accepts him. Though his husband, new best friend, and boss do.But he wishes everyone accepted him for who he was, so he didn’t have to deal with Lee calling him a tranny every time they pass each other in the halls instead of using his name.So that he doesn’t get weird looks at work anymore.So he can feel normal.Feel comfortable in his body.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Angelica Schuyler/John Barker Church (mentioned), Maria Reynolds & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 21
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning ⚠️ : Unsafe binding, transphobic comments

Alexander stretched in his seat yawning. He worked in his work office overnight again, despite Washington’s wishes that he return home. Alex just called his husband to tell him he wouldn’t be back that night. His chest felt bruised and tight, but he felt that he had to ignore it. Alex couldn’t go without for a few more hours. He had a meeting coming up, and the only person in the room who knew about him being transgender was his boss, George Washington.

Alex knew there were some transphobic pricks at his workplace, and that’s why he always made sure he was wearing his binder, and made himself look less feminine. So Alex ignorantly sucked up the pain, stood up, quickly changed his formal jacket, and swung his office door open. He saw his assistant working at her desk. “Hello Maria. Please inform the meeting room that I’ll be in shortly.” The pretty woman smiled and nodded. “Of course Mr. Hamilton. Don’t forget about your appointment today with Mrs. Schuyler-Church.” 

Alexander nodded in thanks before heading off to the meeting room, ignoring his hurting chest. He tried to keep his breathing regular through raspy breaths as he walked into the room, and sat down in his usual chair. He put on a smile, and looked up at his boss. “Thank you all for joining us. It is very much appreciated.” Alex nodded and took out some notes and a pen to start writing down the discussion during the meeting.

Throughout the meeting, Washington noticed that Alexander kept wincing and noticed how irregular his breathing was. The boss sent Alex a concerned glance, but Alex tried to give him a reassuring smile. Honestly, Alex felt slightly dizzy. His breathing was off, and he could feel harsh pressure on his ribs. People sitting around him were starting to notice his irregular breathing. “Hamilton, are you alright?” Washington asked suddenly.

Alex looked up, dizzy. “Y-Yeah sir, I’m...I’m fine.” Washington raised an eyebrow. People were looking back and forth between them. “How long?” Washington asked. Everyone in the room looked confused as Alex hesitated and slowly said, “Since yesterday before work...” He said this in between breaths. His coworkers were confused as Washington pointed to the door. “Take it off. Go. I’m not letting you back in here until you do it.” Alex was going to protest, but just stood up in defeat and walked to a wall, using it as support as he walked out the room and to his office.

One of the workers, Charles Lee was watching Alexander’s movements with sharp eyes. Lee observed how Hamilton has been holding his arm to his chest, and how he seemed in pain every time he breathed. He slowly put the pieces together and he snorted when Alexander walked out of the room. Washington gave him a sharp glare. “Is there something you would like to share, Lee?” Charles Lee smirked and said, “Oh I just wanted to ask...Did anyone else notice how Hamilton was acting?” Washington’s face hardened as Lee finished by saying, “He’s obviously a tranny!” Some people looked at him in shock, some snickered, and others were just fed up with him being so rude.

Washington’s face grew red. “Out of this room this instant!” He yelled at Lee. Some people in the room jumped at this. Lee didn’t take the man seriously until Washington said, “Out! You’re now on a no pay leave. Goodbye!” Lee got up, gathered his stuff, and left. Washington glared around the room. “Now, if anyone else has something offensive to say, get out of this building, or shut your damn mouth.” People’s eyes widened as everyone nodded.

* * *

Meanwhile, Alex walked to his office and locked the door. He went over to his window and pulled the curtains closed, and made sure they wouldn’t sway before pulling off his jacket and shirt, revealing the binder underneath. He carefully took it off. He saw bruises across his chest, and he grimaced. Alex carefully pulled his shirt over and then pulled his jacket over it. He groaned. His breasts weren’t super noticeable, but you could definitely see them, and Alex hated that.

He grabbed his work bag and held it in front of his chest before unlocking the door and stepping outside his office. He watched as Charles Lee passed him in the hall, holding all his things. Lee glared at Alex and muttered “tranny” under his breath so only Alex could hear. Alex paled and his eyes widened as he walked cautiously back to the meeting room with the bag in front of his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

As Alexander walked into the meeting room, he immediately noticed everyone’s eyes on him. He coughed nervously as he anxiously pressed the bag against his bruised chest harder. Washington gave him a look, and Alex nodded in his direction. He sat down with the bag still in front of him for the entire meeting. In the duration of the meeting, Alexander noticed the stares directed his way. He got a note from a woman from across the table. At the end of the meeting he opened it and it read, _“I want to talk to you after the meeting. Can we meet in room 32B?”_

Alex looked at the woman and back at the note before shrugging. The woman’s eyes brighter and she beamed at him. She mouthed “thank you” before Washington wrapped up the meeting. When it was finally finished, many people stood up and left the room. Alex gathered his things and kept the bag close to his body as he walked out of the room. He noticed many people gave him reassuring smiles for some reason.

Alex walked straight to the room he agreed on with the woman. Then he waited for her to show up. And soon she did. He watched as the woman pushed the door open and walked inside. “So...why’re we here again?” He asked her suspiciously. “Well...you probably don’t know...but Lee announced to the entire meeting room that he found out you were transgender.” Alex’s face turned pale and his hands turned clammy. “Wh-What? Oh my god this isn’t happening.”

The woman stepped forward. “Hold on...I wanted to tell you something. My name is Elizabeth Schuyler. Or Eliza...I’m...wondering if it’s true because I’m transgender.” Alex furrowed his brows and looked the girl up and down. “Really? I didn’t notice...” Eliza snorted. “You’re not supposed to. But—is it true?” Alex nodded. Eliza beamed. “I thought I was the only one here...do you think we can grab some coffee some time?” She asked. Alex smiles politely. “Sure. I’ll check with my husband. I’ll give you my phone number. I’ll get back to you, alright?” Alexander pulled out his phone and exchanged numbers with Eliza before bidding her a good day and walking out of the room.

He drove home that day and walked into the house tired and yawning, still bruised up. “Jackie, babe I’m home!” He called out to his husband. “Welcome home Lexi! I’ll get you some dinner. How are you dear?” John asked as he walked out into the main room. “I’m fine...sorry about not coming home last night.” Alex went to go hug John. “It’s fine babe. I know you’re busy.” Alex winced as John hugged him a little too tightly. “Are you okay?” Alex nodded. “Yeah, sorry. I forgot to take off my binder last night, no biggie.”

John pulled away quickly. “Are you okay? How bad is it? Alex, you know what the doctor said about doing that!” John said this all quickly, obviously worried about Alex. “I’m fine John. Just a little bruised. I met a wonderful woman at work today. Her names Eliza. Elizabeth Schuyler.” John and Alex walked to the kitchen together. “Delightful. What would you like for dinner, love?” John asked. “Um...I don’t really care. You know I’m not picky. Anyways, Eliza’s also transgender...and well, Washington made me take off my binder and apparently while I was gone one of my coworkers used a transphobic slur against me...well...Eliza asked me to meet her in a room after the meeting and she told me that she was trans too. We swapped phone numbers and we decided to meet up. Just thought I would tell you.”

John was still stuck on the fact that someone used a slur against Alexander. “Who was it? Who did it? Give me a name, Alexander.” Alex was confused. “Who did what, John?” John just stared at the shorter man. “Babe, the one that used a word that described me in the way of a slur...” Alex just shrugged. “That’s not important. It’s over, done. Okay? I don’t want you to get in trouble for something that’s not important. Sure, it stung...but I’m fine.” John looked skeptical. “Are you positive, love?” Alex smiles and nodded as he sat at the table. “One hundred percent positive.” John went to the fridge and got out leftovers from the night before to heat up in the microwave.

”Thanks John. Anyways, you’re okay with me going out to coffee with Eliza, right?” John nodded. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?” Alex shrugged. “You’re just...very protective I guess.” John rolled his eyes. “I’m not that—“ Alex gave him a look and said, “If I told you the prick’s name you would’ve gone to jail for murder.” John scoffed. “No I wouldn’t! Because you would help me hide the body.” Alex snorted. “You’re right.”

”Also Alex, I’d really love to meet Eliza.” John said, getting the food on the table. “I think she’d love to meet you too. I’ll message her after dinner, alright?” John nodded as he finished with the table. “Sounds good. Ready to eat?” Alex laughed saying, “Don’t need to ask me twice!” Before starting to pile food onto his plate.


	3. Chapter 3

After dinner, Alex pulled out his phone to find a text from Eliza that read, _“Hey Alexander. What’d your husband say?”_ He was quick to type back, saying, _“He said it’s fine. He would love to meet you.”_ Eliza must’ve been waiting for Alex to text back because she immediately typed back, _“He can come too! How does Saturday work for you? 10 am?”_ Alex looked up from his phone and asked John, “Hey, Eliza’s wondering if we could both go for coffee at 10 on Saturday?” John shrugged. “We don’t have anything as far as I know.”

Alex smiled. “Fantastic! I’ll tell her right now.” He quickly typed in, _“Nothing planned. We’ll be there, no doubt!”_ Eliza sent a smiley face and then Alex turned his phone off before sighing and stretching. “I better go work on something. Still haven’t finished what I was working on last night—“ John looked exasperated, and this look stopped Alex from speaking. “What’s wrong John?” John shrugged. “I don’t know...I feel like it should take a break. You’re always working too hard. You need more sleep...you never sleep with me anymore. In more ways than one.”

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes and John winked at him. “Oh shush it, Laurens.” Alex stood up and put his plate in the sink. He heard John’s chair scrape across the floor as the man stood up. Alex could hear John walking up behind him and hugged him from behind. Alex groaned. “Ugh, John...let me go...” He squirmed. “But Alex you have to take a break...” John answered, resting his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex could feel his husband’s breath on his neck and he groaned. 

“John...seriously? Right now?” Without even looking, he could tell John was smirking. “Yes, c’mon, we can do dishes later. You need to take a break...if you know what I mean..~” Alex turned around and wrapped his arms around John’s neck. “Fine...Just this once...alright? Tomorrow night I’m working.” John frowned before saying, “Fine, deal. Now leave that plate in the sink and come here.” Alex went on his tiptoes and kissed John, and John smiled into it.

”Let’s go to the bedroom unless you _want_ to have sex in the kitchen. I don’t kink-shame or anything...” John said this jokingly. “Oh shut up, let’s just go.” Alex mumbled, letting John drag him to their bedroom. It had been maybe a month or so since they’d had sex. They always used protection. Alex did his research and found out that even if he was on T, he could still get pregnant, and he wasn’t comfortable with that just yet. He would love to have kids with John...but not through pregnancy. Of course if it happened, Alex wouldn’t abort it. But he would have overwhelming dysphoria all 9 months of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I write smut for this book? Like should I put detailed sex scenes? Or are you content just knowing they had sex?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck this shit. No one commented what they want so I’m putting this smut chapter just because. Yay!! Maybe this’ll add drama later—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit Smut

As Alex was being carried by John, he wrapped his legs around John’s body, and heard their bedroom door getting opened after they walked down the hallway. Alex smiled as John dropped on their shared bed before climbing on top. “Are you sure you want this right now Alexander?” John asked him, knowing Alex was uncomfortable with his body sometimes during sex. Alex nodded, desperate. “Yes please...” Alex groaned, trying to push his hips up, wanting some sort of relief. 

John laughed at him and started slowly unbuttoning his own shirt. Ale quickly took off his own shirt, sitting up quickly to take it off and throw it somewhere in the corner of the room. After laying back down on the bed, he watched John take off his pants and climb back over him. “Are you sure your okay with this? Your chest doesn’t hurt too much?” Alex nodded, impatient. “Please, oh my god.” John smirked as Alex quickly fiddled with his own belt and jeans, pulling his pants down. 

John looked Alex over one more time before making eye contact with him. Alex nodded exasperated. “I told you it’s fine. Please I need this right now.” Alex gave his husband a reassuring nod before he felt his underwear getting pulled down his legs. “Finally...” he moaned. John pulled down his own before going down to connect his lips with Alex’s. “Damnit John! Just...ugh.” Alex complained, trying to push his hips up again. 

“Okay, fine...” John traveled down Alex’s body with kisses and light bites, getting closer and closer to his clit. Alex willingly opened his legs wide enough for John to go in the middle of them. John licked a long strip up Alex’s entrance, and got a beautiful moan escape Alex’s lips. John smirked and gave it another lick, earning yet another moan. Alex started to squirm and cry out as John started to suck Alex and let his tongue inside of him. “Fuck...” Alex groaned before he felt pleasure rise in his body and screamed, “Shit-shit-shit. I’m close, damnit!”

In a matter of seconds, John’s face got splattered with Alex’s juices. “I-I w-want more.” Alex got out in between breaths. “Are you sure?” John asked. Alex nodded. “Stop asking and just fuck me already!” John made eye contact with Alex as he got his dick to full hardness. Alex watched in great interest before saying, “Before you ask, I’m fine with this. Just do it, please.” John smiled down at his husband and lined up with Alex’s entrance and slowly pushing himself in. John quietly moaned as Alex wrapped his legs around John’s body, pushing him into himself while yelling out a string of curses. 

Once John was all the way inside of Alex, he started moving in and out. Alex kept squirming and moaning underneath John, red in the face. “Faster. Faster, please John.” Alex said, as his nails started to dig into John’s back. “Okay, okay.” John said before he started going at a faster pace. Soon, Alex was screaming and moaning. “Fuck, shit, damnit! What the fuck, damnit! Oh my god. I love you John. I love you, I love you.” John looked down at Alex’s face to see his eyes clenched closed and his face all flushed red. 

Soon, John felt the head of his dick get sensitive, and he felt his muscles tighten as he felt strings of cum shoot out of him and into Alex before he could pull out. When he finally did, John choked out, “My god, Alex I’m so sorry.” After realizing what just happened, Alex’s eyes widened before he saw the regretful look in John’s eyes. “No, honey. It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to have sex with you. I should’ve reminded you to get a condom. Remember...you don’t always get pregnant every single time you have sex. I may be okay. It’s not your fault...it’s your not your fault.”

Alex sat up and hugged John, who had teary eyes. “But if you are pregnant...then—your...dysphoria...it’ll be all my fault and then—“ Alex shut his mouth by kissing him. “It’s not your fault. And if I am pregnant, then we will keep the baby and be parents. Alright? I love you.” John smiled at his husband and they hugged each other. “I’m sorry again...let’s go take a shower.”

They both got out of bed and went to go start a shower.


	5. Chapter 5

When Alex missed his period, he didn’t think anything of it. That’s what his testosterone was supposed to do. So, he didn’t worry about it whatsoever. Alex had in fact set up a lunch date with Eliza. He went out with her and John for coffee one day after they got off work. 

Alex found that Eliza was bisexual, and that she had three sisters. He found out that their names were Angelica, Peggy, and Cornelia, who was still a child. As for Eliza, she learned about how John and Alex met, the LGBTQ+ events they went to, what their future looked like, and John’s work. Alex even jokingly mentioned setting Eliza up with his secretary, Maria Lewis. He was surprised to see that Eliza actually sounded interested in meeting her. 

“I’ll tell her.” Alex was sure to say. Eliza had beamed at him excitedly. She said, “Thank you very much. I’ve seen her, walking by...never said hello though.” Alex smiled back. “Of course. She’s an amazing person.” After that, John and Alex walked out of the shop holding hands after bidding farewell to Eliza. 

“She’s very nice.” John commented on their way home. Alex agreed as they drove. “Yeah. Hey John?” He asked. John noticed the anxiety in his husband’s voice. “Yes, Alex?” 

“If—If I was pregnant...would you want to—keep the baby?” Alex asked quietly. John was quiet for a moment before saying, “Well...I would love to have a family with you. But—if your not comfortable with carrying a baby, you don’t have to keep it. It’s your body. Why?” Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. I missed my period. I know it’s supposed to do that. But just in case..”

John smiled and reached over to squeeze Alex’s hand. “I’ll love you no matter what happens. If you are pregnant, just tell me. We could get through it together, alright?” Alex squeezed back and smiled. “Thanks John. I love you.”

John pulled into the driveway and parked before saying, “I love you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

Alex knew something was wrong when he noticed he was waking up sick every morning and throwing up. His breasts were growing. Also that he was craving the weirdest foods, and John noticed. “Babe, are you alright?” He had asked when Alex was rummaging around for the ice cream and pickles. “You _hate_ pickles.” Alex looked behind his shoulder to see John behind him, concerned. “I just feel like I really really need them right now.” So John helped him find the jar they had. They only had them because John liked them. 

He was confused when Alex started eating them and was satisfied. “What is wrong Alex? You’re acting weird.” 

Then, two weeks later, Alex was putting on a binder in the morning for work when he noticed his stomach was a bit bigger. He thought he just needed to lose some weight and ignored it. He just buttoned up his shirt and pulled on a coat before saying goodbye to John and driving to work. He walked straight to his office with papers and got right to work like usual. Alex’s binder felt tight so he locked his door and went to loosen it. It’d been like this for a bit.

After he felt more comfortable, he just opened his door and went to the meeting.


	7. Chapter 7

When Alex’s abdomen started swelling at a more rapid pace, he started to get extremely self-conscious to the point where he would randomly break down in bed. He had all the signs of a pregnancy, but he refused to take a test to be positive. He was starting to grow too big for just wearing a baggy sweatshirt. One day Alex decided to just take a breath and buy a test. It’d been almost a month since he had sex with John.

He was almost positive he was pregnant. Even though it had been only a month, he was growing at an alarming rate. Alex went and bought a pregnancy test stick and brought it to the counter to pay. He got a strange look from the cashier but he just looked away, not making eye contact and just slid the dollar over the counter before awkwardly taking the receipt and the test and walking out of the store. 

He let the jacket he was wearing hang loosely over my form so that the bump wasn’t noticeable. Alex was desperately hoping he was just gaining weight and was sick. It would be better than being pregnant. At least he wouldn’t have gender dysphoria every day from his pregnancy. Alex slipped the test into his jacket pocket before walking to his car and getting in. He started the car and drove home anxiously.

* * *

Alex got out of the car in the driveway shaking. His fingers fidgeted with the key, thankful John wasn’t home yet. He locked himself in the bathroom and slowly took the test out of the packaging. Alex sat on the toilet with his pants down and had to take multiple deep breaths to calm down. At some point he started crying as his hand shook violently. Alex finally calmed down enough to actually pee on the damn stick before placing it on the bathroom counter, sinking to floor, hugging his knees, and crying. 

He really didn’t want to be pregnant. But he didn’t want to get an abortion if he _was_ pregnant. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that. John wanted to be a father, and Alex didn’t want to keep his husband from that happiness. After about five minutes, Alex had to calm down again. “Un deux trois. Un deux trois.” 

He took some breaths before standing up and picked up the test, hiding the result from his vision. On one breath, he held it tightly in his chest, so much pressure that even his binder couldn’t compete with. He inched hand away from half of the result and saw one line. Breathing hard, he slid his hand farther and his heart stopped. Alex dropped the test like it suddenly burnt his hand. He fell to the floor, scrambling away from the test. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This can’t be happening.” Alex heard the front door open, signaling that John came home. “Baby! I’m home!” The pet name blew Alex the wrong way, as it reminded him of the announcement he had to tell John. “Lexi?! Where are you?! The car’s here...are you okay?” Alex slowly reached for the test before standing up and opening the door with a shaky hand. He stepped out with wobbly steps. He saw John looking around worried until he saw Alex stumbling out of the bathroom clutching something in his hand.

”Oh, Alexander! You look horrible. What happened?” John went to hug his husband. He didn’t exactly understand by Alex was crying into his shoulder and sniffling, but he was going to comfort him until he stopped. 

When John pulled away, Alex wordlessly passed John the test.

Confused, John took it and looked at it as Alex said quietly,

“I’m pregnant.”


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m pregnant.”

John looked down and saw the two lines on the test before looking at Alex’s stomach. He placed his hand there and said, “There’s...there’s a baby in there.” Alex put his hand on top of John’s and said, “Yeah...there is a baby in there.” Alex couldn’t help but smile through his tears at the ecstatic look on John’s face. John looked at Alex’s face and said, “Do you not want the baby? It’s your body...you can get rid of the baby...I’ll understand.”

Alex shook his head. “No, I don’t want to get rid of it. Sure...I don’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want a baby. But...I can’t kill the baby. So...we’re going to be parents. Can we not tell anyone yet?” John took his hand from Alex’s stomach to put it on his face. “Of course. You can wear my shirts until you’re ready to tell.” Alex gave a small smile and went on his tiptoes to kiss John. “Thanks Jackie.” 

John put his arms around Alex, and said, “You’re welcome. But wow...I’m going to be a dad. You’re going to be a dad. Oh my god we’re going to be parents. And oh my god there’s a baby inside of you.” Alex laughed and said, “I have a baby inside of me. We’re going to be parents.” 

“And Alex? It doesn’t matter if you’re pregnant with my child. I see you as a valid male. You are a man. A man with extra perks.” Alex smiled again and pulled away from the hug to kiss John on the nose. “I love you.” 

“I love you too Alex.”


	9. Chapter 9

Soon Alex was wearing baggy sweatshirts to work. He didn’t care if he looked unprofessional. He just wasn’t ready to tell people. Alex went to his office and started working until a meeting was called. Alex walked to the room with his papers and sat down at his seat. He was three months pregnant, and the bump was slightly showing even though he was wearing one of John’s biggest sweaters.

Washington looked at him, noticing the weight, but Alex just pretended to be confused. So the meeting started.

* * *

In the middle of the meeting, Alex felt a fluttery feeling. Confused, he put his hand subtly on his stomach before he felt it again. Tears pricked his eyes and he let out an audible gasp. Washington looked at him questioning glance. Alex’s hand flew to his mouth as a tear ran down his face. Others in the room were staring at him. 

Alex made eye contact with Eliza’s excited face and nodded with a smile. Eliza let out a squeal and she ran towards him. “Congratulations! Oh my god Alexander! How long?!”

All the females in the room started smiling while the men looked confused. “Three months.” Eliza’s hands went down to his stomach. “You’re a bit...big...for just three months, don’t you think?” Alex shrugged. “I’m checking with the doctor soon, don’t worry about it.”

Almost everyone in the room knew what was going on except for one man, Samuel Seabury. “What’s going on?” He asked. “Hamilton’s pregnant, idiot.” Jefferson told him. “But-how is t-oh. Oh...right. Well congratulations.”

”Um...thanks...” Alex mumbled. He didn’t want this attention. He didn’t think it was a blessing. He wanted a baby, but not like this. Alex just gave a small smile and said, “Thank you...Can we-can we get back to the meeting please, sir?”

Washington nodded and Eliza went back to her seat and everyone settled down. Eliza was beaming across the table at Alex, but Alex didn’t really smile back. He didn’t feel comfortable at all. He hated being pregnant and he never wanted this again.

* * *

Finally the meeting was over and Alex went swiftly to his office so he could pack up and finish up paperwork before going home.

* * *

Alex got out of the car and walked inside to start on dinner and wait for John to get home. 

When he finally walked through the door, dinner was made and Alex had set the table. “Thanks love.” John said before sitting down.

”Of course. Also, can we announce the baby now? My entire workplace probably knows by now.” Alex said to him as he served himself. “Is that what you want?” John asked hopefully. 

“Yes, yes of course.”


	10. Chapter 10

Alex drove to the hospital for his appointment with the doctor and was waiting in the lobby for his name to be called. He had already checked in at the desk. Alex was getting some strange looks when a little girl tapped her mother’s shoulder and pointed at him. The woman smiled and nodded.

The little girl skipped over to Alex and said, “Hello sir!” Alex jumped slightly before turning and smiling at the young girl. “Hello little miss. What can I do for you?”

”My name is Frances Manning!” Alex laughed and said, “Why hello Frances! My name is Alexander Hamilton-Laurens.” The girls mother paled a bit before Frances pointed at Alex’s baby bump. “What’s that?” Alex’s smile faltered a little before he said, “Th-That’s a baby. There’s a baby in there.”

Frances’s face lit up. Then she looked confused. “I thought only mommy’s can have babies in their tummies.” Alex looked up at her mother with a questioning look, asking if he could tell the girl. 

The mother nodded and so Alex said, “Well, I used to be a girl. But then I decided that I didn’t feel comfortable as a girl so I became a boy. So now my name is Alexander instead of Alexandra. But I still have parts of a girl so I can get pregnant. Get it?”

Frances hummed and nodded. “Ooh. That’s cool. Mommy can I be a boy too?!” The girl looked up at her mother, clearly excited. Her mom laughed nervously. “Maybe when you’re older so you can think about it longer. But if you’re older and you still really want to be a boy, we can do that for you, okay?”

Frances beamed and smiles at Alex again. “Thank you sir. I hope the babies don’t die.” Her mother gasped as Alex looked amused. “Me too. But I’m only having one baby, little miss.” Frances shook her head. “Nope. You look like you’re having two.”

Then she went to go sit by her mom. Alex just smiled at her politely and looked away until his name was called.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️: Self-Doubt, Self-Hate

As Alex walked out of the doctors office, his hand delicately on his stomach, all he could think was, _“Fuck. The girl was right.”_ He sighed and went out to his car before driving home to John. His husband would be excited to have twins, right? 

Alex pulled into the driveway before walking into the house and closing the door behind him. “Jackie! Love, I’m home!” Alex called. John came from the kitchen, drying his hands with a towel. He walked up to Alex, and carefully hugged him then pulled away to gently rub a hand over Alex’s stomach. “How’d the appointment go, darling?”

Alex bit his lip and gave a small smile. “We’re having twins, John.” He mumbled out. Johns hand froze. “Wait. Repeat that please babe...” He said in a hushed voice. John was beaming.

”I’m pregnant with twins. That’s why I’ve been so big.” Alex said louder and then John put his other hand on him. “Shit, Lexi. Y-You’re carrying our babies in here...Wow...” John was breathless and grinning like an idiot.

Alex smiles back, his hands on top of Johns. “Yeah. I’m carrying our babies...Damn. I’m pregnant. With twins. I’m going to give births in a few months. This is happening. We’re going to be parents.” Alex listed all these things nervously and John looked at him reassuringly.

”We’ll be the best parents, honey.” He said, the grin not leaving his face. “I hope so...” Alex said softly. 

-

After dinner and a movie, the married couple got into bed together. Alex was on his back and John was on his side with his arm draped over Alex’s stomach. 

They were cuddling as close as they could and soon John fell asleep. 

But Alex was still wide awake, asking himself questions.

_”Are we ready for kids?”_

_”What if something goes wrong?”_

_”What if I miscarry?”_

_”What if the kids hate me?”_

_”What if I'm a horrible father?”_

_”I’m not even a real man.”_

_”A real man wouldn’t be pregnant.”_

_”My children will hate me.”_

_”What if I die in childbirth?”_

_”I can’t leave John alone.”_

_”Oh my god. What if the babies die young?”_

_”What if I die and leave them alone like mama?”_

_”Is it too late to get an abortion? John would understand. No. I told him we could have these babies.”_

”I hate this. I hate myself.”

Alex said the last one out loud and then he felt tears stream from his eyes. He sniffled and then felt John moving around. John looked up at him and his eyes widened.

John immediately went to wipe the tears away. “What’s wrong, Lex?” John sat up and Alex followed his movements with difficulty. Alex tried to take deep breaths. “I-I...what if something goes wrong? What if the babies die or I die? I-I...I’m scared. I’m not even a real man. A real man wouldn’t be pregnant. Our kids will hate me.”

Alex felt Johns arms tighten slightly around him. “Shh...Alex calm down, okay? You’re doing amazing. The babies will be fine. You’ll be fine. They won’t hate you. They’ll love you. I’ll tell them how brave you were. You’re the bravest man I know. I love you so much.” 

Alex cuddled into his arms, shaking lightly. “I-I know. I love you too. B-But what if-?” 

“Shh...Don’t worry about the ‘what ifs’. That won’t get you anywhere. Stress is bad for the babies. Just calm down. I love you. Stop worrying. It’ll all be okay.” John started running his fingers through Alex’s hair soothingly. Alex’s breathing relaxed finally.

”Alright. Thank you. Can you hold me until I fall asleep?” He asked hopefully.

“Of course Lexi. I’ll never let you go.” 


	12. Chapter 12

In the morning, Alex told John about the appointment in more detail. "And then this little girl named...Frances Maning-that's right-came up to me and told me I was having twins...Before I even knew! Crazy, right?" Alex asked. John froze as he reached for milk. "What was the girl's name?"

"...Frances Manning..." Alex repeated, as he sat slowly in the chair. "Was her mother there? What did she look like?" John questioned as he retrieved the milk and closed the fridge. "Long, dark, wavy hair. Large blue eyes. Why? Is something wrong?" Alex noticed how shaky John was being. "What's wrong, love?"

John sat next to Alex and poured milk into his cereal. "One of my high school friends...She was pregnant when she was a teen. Her name was Martha Manning. Did she look good? Is she doing well?" John asked as he smiled fondly.

Alex hummed and started eating what he could. "Yeah. She looks amazing. A little tired, maybe. Her daughter came and asked me how I could be pregnant and I explained how I was transgender. She then asked her mother if _she_ could become transgender and her mom said she could when she was older. So that's great for her."

John smiled and nodded. "It's great to hear about her again. We lost contact a few years back.." Alex finished his food and went to go finish getting ready. 

Then he kissed John goodbye and walked out the door to work.


End file.
